Holding Back the Dark
by Sunlight3146
Summary: Sequel to Searching for the Light. "Love won't be tampered with, love won't go away. Push it to one side and it creeps to the other." - Louis Erdrich. After accepting the Cullens as her family, Cate is finally happy, until a certain brother ruins it all. She sets off on her own, to meet someone who could change her life forever, if she chooses to accept them.
1. Chapter 1

_Happy NaNoWriMo!_

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga and its universe. No profit is made here and no offense intended.**

**Chapter 1: Too Good to Last**

Summer before senior year was blissfully happy, after the stress of the nomad group led by James hunting my sister. Though, after escaping the Southern Wars after a betrayal, I'd never expected to trust another vampire again, I found that the Cullen's truly were different. Even though they all had mates, who they loved more than anything, they also loved the rest of us, the family, and I found that I could live with that.

Bella spent most of her time at the Cullen house with the rest of us, I published another book, we went on multiple shopping trips to outrageous places, a prank war started by Emmett ended in a victory (for me, at least), the Cullen's insisting on buying me a new and expensive car, Rose and Emmett prepared to travel to Africa, having 'graduated'.

It was at Bella's eighteenth birthday party, a party she hadn't wanted, that everything fell apart.

...

The last birthday party we'd had had been mine. Alice had insisted on celebrating my real birthday, July 2nd, never mind the fact that it was also the day my half-sister died, as well as the day I was transformed. Part of the reason had been because she wanted to plan two separate birthdays, for me and for Bella, so they couldn't be only a day apart.

This day, September 13th, as a result, wasn't about me, at all. It was about Bella.

She'd insisted on a no-gifts policy (and had wanted a no-attention policy as well), but of course, we paid no attention to that. We were waiting besides the Volvo the moment Bella's red truck pulled up to school.

"Happy birthday, Bella!" Alice exclaimed, rushing over to greet her, while Edward and I waited besides the Volvo.

"Shhh!" Bella hushed, glancing around to see if anyone in the parking lot had heard. I nearly rolled my eyes. If she really wanted to be a vampire, she would need to get used to being the center of attention. Unless it wasn't the attention part that was bothering her... I put that question aside to ask some other time.

"Do you want to open your present now or later?" Alice continued excitedly, ignoring Bella's shush.

"No presents," Bella protested. Alice finally seemed to understand Bella's grumpy mood. She only paused a moment, though, before continuing on her next thought.

"Okay... later then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?"

Bella sighed. "Yeah, they're great," she said in a contradicting tone.

"_I_ think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience."

I snorted at the same time Bella spoke. "How many times have _you_ been a senior?" Exactly.

"That's different," Alice said, her enthusiasm not dimming the slightest.

They reached us at the Volvo, then. Bella's hand reached for Edward's, and they linked. Bella's heart gave a hilarious stutter, something Emmett definitely would have commented on, had he been there. Being the wonderful sister I was, I graciously ignored the incident.

"So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?" Edward asked. Only he would actually follow Bella's birthday demands.

"Yes, that is correct," Bella replied. I didn't know if it was by instinct or by a conscious choice, but she always sounded strange trying to mimic Edward's old-fashioned style of talking, evidence of his birth at the start of the twentieth century.

"Just checking. You _might_ have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."

"I'm sorry," I quipped, "are you talking about Bella Swan? Bella Swan, liking any sort of gifts or attention?"

"No gifts," Bella grumbled again. "And I don't want to enjoy it."

"Of course you'll enjoy it," Alice laughed. "Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella." I seemed, though, to remember something different happening on my birthday... "What's the worst thing that could happen?"

"Careful Alice," I chided. "Knowing Bella, it _will_ happen."

"Getting older," Bella answered Alice's question. Of course, that was already happening to Bella, every second of every day, but Bella only thought about it in milestones. Edward frowned at that thought from me, or maybe it was in response to Bella.

"Eighteen isn't very old," Alice argued. "Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"

"It's older than Edward," Bella mumbled.

"Technically, you were older by him by about the same amount yesterday, Bella," I put in. "One day doesn't make that much of a difference."

"And it's only by one little year," Alice added.

"He's technically older than you by 87 years, too."

Bella sighed. "You know what I mean. Physically."

"Anyway, what time will you be at the house?" Alice asked, quickly changing the subject.

"I didn't know I had plans to be there," Bella replied warily.

"Oh, be fair, Bella! You're not going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?" I wondered who this 'our' included. Just Alice?

"I thought my birthday was about what _I _want."

"Do you really think you'll get that, with Alice around?" I asked. The vampire in question stuck her tongue out at me.

"I'll get her from Charlie's right after school," Edward promised Alice. Bella glared at his defection.

"I have to work."

"You don't, actually," Alice replied, smug. "I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She says to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'"

"I-I still can't come over," Bella stuttered, trying to find another excuse. "I, well, I haven't watched _Romeo and Juliet_ for English yet."

Alice snorted. "You have _Romeo and Juliet_ memorized."

"True- literally," I agreed. One of the competitions we'd had, back when we'd hated each other, had been a book reciting competition. Bella had quoted _Romeo and Juliet_ while I'd quoted a new book called _Harry Potter_, and she'd actually almost beaten me.

"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it - that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented," Bella argued, ignoring me.

"You've already seen the movie," Alice retorted while Edward rolled his eyes.

"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best." I felt sorry for Bella, and very conveniently forgot about that time we _had_ watched it.

Alice was starting to appear annoyed, now, not the least because I was siding with Bella now. "This can be easy or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or another-"

"Relax, Alice," Edward interrupted. "If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."

"So there," Bella added, but I got the feeling Alice wasn't done.

"I'll bring her over around seven," he continued, as Bella's face morphed from smug to angry. "That will give you more time to set up."

I laughed, as Alice grinned and said, "Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see. Let's go, Cate!" She pulled me away, to our first class. I didn't share all my classes with Bella anymore, not with Edward already in pretty much every one of her classes now.

We didn't pay any attention to the English lecture during first period - Alice insisted on spending the entire time planning for the party, not that I minded, while I tried to reign her in, based on what I knew Bella would want for a party. She hissed a couple times through the day, as Bella made plans to try and get out the party.

During lunch, as we sat like usual separated from Bella's human friends, but at least at the same table as them, none of us brought up Bella's party. I could see her hope grow as the hour passed by and no one said anything, but I knew Alice was only biding her time.

After school, Alice quickly towed me to the Volvo, apparently telling Edward in her mind to stay with Bella the entire time so she couldn't escape or put any of her plans into action. Once we got home, Alice enlisted everyone in the house, even Rosalie, to help get ready for the party. We were each entrusted with a task (or a dozen) that we were expected to finish by a certain time before checking up with Alice again. Each time Emmett tried to set up a prank, Alice mysteriously appeared by his side to watch him do 'his amazing work'.

Finally, evening came, and with it, Edward and Bella in the loud roar of Bella's red truck. We gathered in the living room. "Happy Birthday, Bella!" we chorused as they entered the house. Bella evaluated the room, with the pink candles and crystal rose bowls, and groaned.

Each of the Cullens went up to greet Bella and congratulate her. Carlisle mentioned how they-we hadn't been able to rein Alice in, but I rolled my eyes. Like he'd tried at all. That had mainly been Esme and I.

"Time to open presents!" Alice declared.

"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything-"

"And I didn't listen," she interrupted. "Open it." She exchanged the camera from Charlie with a silver box, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper's present of a new radio stereo.

Bella opened the box, studying the labels for a moment, before opening the inner box. It was empty.

"Um... thanks?" Bella said, confused. Rosalie actually laughed, while Jasper explained that Emmett was installing the stereo.

Bella thanked the three of them, shouting to Emmett outside though it wasn't necessary for him to hear.

"Open mine next," I said eagerly, handing a small packet to her. I knew, at least, that she would like my gift.

She opened the envelope to reveal a gift card for a chain bookstore. "Thanks, Cate!" she exclaimed.

"Now open mine and Edward's!" Alice insisted, replacing my gift with a small square package, a CD of the songs Edward had composed, including an incomplete one he'd dedicated to me.

Bella glared at Edward, thinking it had been something he'd bought for her. "You promised."

Emmett bounded inside just then, exclaiming, "Just in time!" as he came in.

"I didn't spend a dime," Edward assured his mate, ignoring Emmett's arrival.

It was then that it happened. As Bella opened the package, the paper caught on her finger. "Shoot," she grumbled before anyone could react. A bead of red blood dripped out, filling the room with a more potent version of Bella's attractive human scent.

"No!" Edward roared, before I could figure out why. I'd held my breath, of course, though after the scent had reached me, but a paper cut wasn't that big of a deal. Then I saw Jasper.

It must have been the fact that Bella had come over to our house so many times. Rather than desensitizing him to the scent, the familiarity had done the opposite, making him thirst for her blood even more. That tiny drop of blood, almost inconsequential in any other situation, pushed him over the edge.

Edward threw himself at Bella in an attempt to get her away from Jasper, who had already started to spring, and suddenly, there was a whole lot more blood.

I couldn't pay attention as Edward and Emmett pulled Jasper away from the bleeding human girl. My sole thoughts were of how good that blood would taste, and disgusted horror at what I was thinking.

_No, Cate! Don't do it!_ I thought, trying to reign in the monster. I couldn't stand it, but I couldn't bring myself to leave the scene. I couldn't help, either; I didn't have enough breath to issue a command, and I couldn't be sure that any command I gave would be good for Bella, or if anyone, especially Jasper, would listen to my command.

Only Carlisle remained calm. He hadn't even stopped breathing. I marveled at his control, trying to emulate him. I told myself to just get away from the room, the irresistible scent, but I couldn't do it. Jasper's snarls, echoing throughout the room, didn't help. They only made me tense up more, making it harder to resist the monster inside me.

"Emmett, Rose, Esme, get Cate and Jasper outside," Carlisle commanded. It took both Emmett and Rosalie to get Jasper out the door, though he was rational enough to not fight at his full capacity. I had no doubt that he would have been able to beat both of them combined, had he been really trying. Esme pulled me away, and I didn't fight her, as much as I would have wanted to. It was bad, wasn't it, that the best fighters in the family were also the ones with the worst control? But that was what you got, from the Southern Wars.

Edward was crouched in a defensive posture that, like Jasper's snarls, wasn't helping my control at all, but I knew he couldn't help it. Once we got out of the house, I started running. We all needed to hunt, and badly. I saw reason return into Jasper's eyes, as shame flooded him. I took down two elk, but their disgusting tastes, however filling, couldn't erase the wish for a real, human meal.

Edward and Alice, at last, came outside too. Bella wasn't in mortal danger, I guessed, so they couldn't focus on something outside of her blood when inside. I heard both of them find Jasper, to comfort him and tell him it wasn't his fault, that they didn't blame him.

I listened, for a while, to Carlisle and Bella's discussion, about Carlisle's control and reasons, and beliefs about an afterlife. After a while, Esme came to find me, her eyes the same bright gold as mine.

"You did amazingly, Cate," she told me.

"Right," I grumbled sarcastically. "Because not being able to leave the room where my sister lies on the floor bleeding is normal."

"But you did it," she countered. "You were able to leave. You didn't fight me."

"All of you did better than me, except..." I didn't finish my sentence. "You all knew your limits and when you had to leave, and you were able to do so on your own."

"But you did leave." She put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm proud of you for it."

I sighed, and walked away. Somewhere near in the forest, I heard Rosalie call, knowing I was in hearing distance.

"Don't make this all about you," she said. "Don't you know, some people are having a worse time than you?"

Esme hissed at the words, but I took them to heart. She was right. To make it all about me and my failures would be unbearable selfish. Jasper had struggled more, and would still struggle more. I should be grateful for the control I did have.

Still, I wished that I didn't have the second-worst control in the family. Jasper and I, we would always be the weakest ones, because even if our control improved over time, the others' would, too. Was the only thing we could hope for the ability not to attack a human the moment there was blood?

Until... until Bella became a vampire. A newborn's control was always minimal at best, and even after those first few years were over, she would always be the youngest, the baby, of the family.

I was disgusted with myself the moment I thought it. Bella was my sister! What kind of sister was I, to hope that Bella would kill a couple humans just to raise my self-esteem?

After a while, Bella and Edward left, and everyone came back to the house, but no one spoke. The atmosphere of celebration was gone, sliced away like Bella's finger by the accident.

…

At midnight, probably after Bella had fallen asleep, Edward came back to the house. His face was frightening, his eyes blank and dead. We were all waiting in the dining room for him.

"We're leaving Forks," he said, no room for argument in his voice. Even with my vampire mind, it took me a moment to process it. The others, though, seemed to expect it. Rosalie snorted, Alice closed her eyes delicately, and Carlisle spoke.

"Edward. I know you're upset right now, but you shouldn't make a decision you'll regret later."

"I'm fine. That's not the problem. It's too dangerous to have a human in our midst, too dangerous for Bella to be surrounded by vampires. Her life is in danger every moment she's near us. It's better to leave now. Carlisle, you can make some excuse at the hospital. School won't be a problem for Alice and I. But we need to leave now. If we wait…"

"What will happen if we wait?" I asked. "Bella will die? Good thing we have a fail-safe to keep her alive, as long as her heart keeps beating. You say that she's in danger, that we're in danger, because she's a human. Then change her!"

"I won't take away her soul," Edward replied.

I rolled my eyes. Were those outrageous beliefs the only thing keeping him from changing his soul mate? Noting the word 'soul' in the phrase.

"She's your mate. You're her mate. You love each other. You can't survive without teach other! Believe me, I know." Images of Delilah and my past life flashed through my head, but I pushed them away. "Remember how you were when Bella was in danger from James? Remember how you two got when you were separated? We're not leaving."

"Bella's human. She'll move on. She'll forget. But she deserves better than me. She deserves a human life, with her soul intact."

"You've seen the same things I have," Alice argued. I didn't know what she showed him, but I could guess. Bella huddled in a corner, unable to move from the grief.

"Maybe in the beginning, she'll be like that, but she'll move on eventually. All of them do."

Carlisle gave his decision. "Whatever you chose, Edward, I'll support you." His words seemed heavy, as if they contained some deeper meaning, some deeper reason for giving Edward this choice. I turned towards him, betrayed, and realized the sides of this. Esme would support whatever Carlisle decided, Rosalie had never believed in associating with Bella in the first place, Emmett would protest but, in the end, decide the same way as Rose. Only Alice and Jasper still stood on my side, and Jasper would side with Alice, in the end.

"Bella's choice will end with, and has always ended with, her eventual transformation. Isn't it her decision?" I argued. It wasn't our decision, whether she became a vampire or not. It had never been.

"She doesn't understand," Edward replied, then turned to Alice. "Every moment we stay, she's in danger. If it were Jasper in that situation, wouldn't you do whatever it took to keep him safe?"

Alice glared at him, and whatever she'd thought made him hiss.

"Not at the price of her soul! Promise me!" he begged her. "Promise that you won't look into her future. Promise me that you won't try to contact her again."

"You don't understand, Edward! Cate's right, you can't live without her!"

"And what happens if she dies? If we hadn't been able to stop Jasper in time? Because if we stay, that's what will happen." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper pull away, shame filling his eyes. That had been a low blow. Alice moved towards her mate - what hurt him hurt her, and Edward was willing to hurt them for Bella. I saw him cringe at that thought, but he didn't apologize. I could see the fight going out of Alice, as Edward plowed on. "You've seen it. If we stay, she dies, one way or another. I don't want that for her. Promise me that you won't go back for her. Swear it!"

There was a brief moment of silence, then Alice spoke. "I... promise," she whispered.

No. I wouldn't let it happen. I could imagine what the separation would do to the both of them, and I wouldn't let Bella suffer like that! Unlike Alice, there was no one I needed to protect, more so than Bella. "We're not leaving."

His eyes flared as he turned on me. "Well, what are you going to do, then? Use your gift on me? Force me to do something I don't want to do? You've done it to so many others, after all."

His words sent a shockwave through me. For a moment, I couldn't speak. Then, I was suddenly, ferociously angry. "I can't believe you just said that. I thought you knew me better than that." I almost hesitated, but the anger carried my words forward. "Go ahead. Leave Bella. Ruin both your lives. See if I care!"

He took a step back, his face remorseful. "Cate, I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." But by that time, I was gone.

I fled to the forest surrounding the house. Out of instinct, more than thirst, I took down a fox. All the while, thoughts flooded me. Edward was a mind-reader. He knew my mind well, maybe even better than I knew it myself. Could he be right? Could I, would I, have forced them all to stay, forced them with my compulsion? What frightened me most was that I didn't know the answer. What I did know was this: I couldn't fight for Bella's sake anymore. It was horrible and selfish of me, but I just couldn't.

When I came back, I ignored the others' attempts to talk to me, heading straight to my room and closing the door. I put headphones on, trying to drown out the sound of my family talking, downstairs, but I could hear every detail. Stupid vampire hearing. I heard them plan to go to New York, to Cornell University in Ithaca. Even the idea of actually attending college didn't cheer me up.

Morning came, and through the clouds, the sun rose, lighting up the sky without even the tiniest direct ray slipping through. I couldn't go to school today. I couldn't stand to see Bella or him. When would he break the news to her? Today? At school? Or would he go on, acting like he wasn't leaving, until later? I wanted to get out of Forks.

There was a knock at my door. Alice.

"We're leaving today, in ten minutes. You, me, Jasper, Esme," she told me, her voice not betraying even a hint of emotion, so unlike her normal excited cheer.

I turned towards the sound of her voice. "Today?" I hadn't expected us to leave so early. Would we get the chance to say goodbye?

"Edward wants to make it a clean break. He'll stay for a few more days, as will Carlisle, to get everything settled."

A clean break. Was that how he thought of it? Did he think any of us would heal from this, ever? Our family would never be the same. We were leaving in ten minutes, or, nine, now. There would be no time to see Bella again, would there? Was that how he wanted to make it a clean break, by not letting us see her one last time? She was my sister, and he wasn't letting me say goodbye?

But what else could I do about it? I hated myself for it, but I just couldn't fight for her, not if it would get me hurt. There was no one else on my side, either. And going to Ithaca would get me out of Forks, at least, away from them. If I had to choose, between staying and leaving, I knew which one I would choose.

I stood up. "I'll come," I said quietly. I heard the soft brush of Alice nodding, before she left.

I'd thought that a vampire would never leave his mate, but Edward had just proved me wrong. Nothing could stand between a vampire and his mate, except her own safety. What he'd done to get us to move, though, only strengthened my conviction that a vampire would do anything for his mate, even hurt the rest of his family, even hurt _her. _He made the wrong choice, though, and everyone but him knew it.

How long was it going to take before he realized? Would things ever be the same in our family again?


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga and its universe. No profit is made here and no offense intended**

**Chapter 2: Painful Pasts**

I spent most of my time in Ithaca away from the other Cullens, away from Edward. I threw myself into the studies, but even studying English and Philosophy couldn't distract me. Edward spent his days curled up in a ball of misery, and I knew my sister would be reacting the same way.

Alice and Jasper accompanied me, most of the time. Alice cared about Bella as much as I did, and Jasper couldn't bear to be around Edward's emotional state. None of us, really, could stand it, not even Emmett and Rose, who had taken off on a honeymoon a few weeks after we arrived.

And that was why, two months after we'd left, when Alice and Jasper approached me for a trip into Alice's past, I agreed.

"My last name starts with a B and is maybe 4-8 letters long? I woke up in 1920, in Biloxi, Mississippi. According to James, I was in an asylum before. We found three asylums in the area that could have some sort of record, and there's a museum in the area that could have information, so that's where we're going," Alice explained on the plane.

I nodded, then closed my eyes. Mississippi. That was right next to Louisiana. Though, of course, it was likely that she wouldn't be in Louisiana anymore, the proximity to the Southern Wars in general was making me nervous. Even though I knew Alice would be able to see if we were in any sort of danger from the Southerners. I wasn't the only one, either. I could practically feel the tension radiating off of Jasper, though he tried to act calm for his mate's sake.

Of course, it was kind of funny that I was returning to the place of my nightmares (if I could sleep) with the famed second of the Monterrey Coven, my former coven's sworn enemy, who was now part of my coven and my brother, in a way. But the humor was overshadowed by my irrational fear.

I did not want to see Delilah again. Not after I'd just accepted that, maybe, vampires could love each other like family. Not after I'd finally started healing from her betrayal.

Alice had already searched up the museum that could have the records, which would be our next stop. From there, we would look for girls with the first name Alice and a last name beginning with B, and from there, girls who had about Alice's description. I had no idea, actually, why they'd brought me along - it seemed as if they would be able to handle it perfectly well themselves. When I'd asked Alice, though, she'd said that there was something critical that we would only find out if I was there. She had no idea what it was, though, and I welcomed the break from him.

We found the museum easily enough, and had little trouble persuading the receptionist to let us in. I didn't even have to use my compulsion - she had been charmed enough by Jasper and his natural vampire looks, though Alice had been hilariously jealous by the end of it.

In the archives, a kind elderly lady, a librarian, led us to the section on asylums. This time, Alice was the one who convinced her to leave us alone.

Her parting words, though, were peculiar. "You two are an adorable couple, by the way, and, for your sister, I have a grandson about your age. But I'll leave you alone from blabbering me."

"Sister?" I asked. How had she known that I considered Alice and Jasper my siblings?

Her eyes widened. "Oh, I'm sorry, are you not related? You look so alike, it's almost as if you're twins."

"No," Alice managed to stammer out. "We're just friends."

I stared at Alice's face. I hadn't noticed before, but we truly did look remarkably alike. It wasn't just our yellow-ish eyes and pale skin that all vampires had, or the short hair; our minature heights were quite similar, as were the shapes of our faces, and almost everything else.

Could Alice be somehow related to me?

We ended up finding three Alice's who met the first few requirements: Alice Lily Bell, Alicia Anne Burr, and Mary Alice Brandon. Of them, after we'd done some research online, Mary Alice seemed the best fit. And my grandmother's maiden name had been Brandon.

Mary Alice had been buried in a graveyard in Old Biloxi Cemetery, but visiting Alice's potential grave seemed like something that would be better for Alice and Jasper to do alone. I told them I would meet them at the airport we'd arrived at, Lundys Airport. That was why I was alone, at Biloxi Public Library, that evening.

The sweet scent of another vampire was what alerted me to the presence of another vampire, or, another two vampires. One scent I didn't recognize, but the other was all too familiar.

My nightmare was here. Delilah.

"My dearest Caitlin," she said. "What a surprise to find you here." Her smile told me that, no, this was not a surprise for her. But I'd compulsed her. How had she managed to override that?

"It's been so long, I thought you'd forgotten about me. I'm so very sorry for how we parted. But I hope you'll forgive me. I was just so stricken at the idea of losing you, and losing my chance of avenging Matteo, that ... I'm truly sorry, Caitlin."

"It seems like you've found a replacement for me, though," I replied, looking at the vampire besides her. I had no intention of joining Delilah again, of course, but there was also no doubt in my mind what Delilah would do if I refused. She hadn't hesitated last time, and it had only been my gift that had stopped her from killing me, but if this new vampire had a gift, then there was a chance I couldn't win.

"Oh yes," Delilah said. "I forgot that you haven't met. Caitlin, this is Sai. She's got remarkable instincts, remarkable even for a vampire." Sai smiled, though there was a hint of ferocity in her smile.

Remarkable instincts. That was probably how they'd found me. I was fairly certain, though, that neither could stand against my compulsion. But could I do that, even to survive? What if it wasn't necessary? What if I was just seeking an excuse to use my power because it made me feel powerful? Did using it make me a monster, like Delilah?

And was that how I wanted to win? I saw myself in Sai. Had she chosen this life, or had she been lied to by Delilah? Did she know that there was another way? Could I just kill her for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, for being convinced by Delilah? It wasn't her fault, after all. And was it even Delilah's? She'd lost so much, and she hadn't known any other way, when her mate had died, than to fight back and seek revenge through newborn armies.

I couldn't compulse them, then kill them. I just couldn't.

And then Sai spoke. "Caitlin. I know you're lonely. Maybe you've found others of our kind, but they don't understand you. They haven't been through the same things you have. They've hurt you, maybe without realizing it, because they don't understand. But we do. Delilah and Aaron and I." Her words struck home. Edward had hurt me. None of them understood, as I did, exactly what would happen now that Bella was alone. None of them understood why I still couldn't relax around them, how I felt as I struggled for control over my bloodlust.

But no. It didn't matter that they didn't understand. I knew that Sai was just manipulating me with her words, with her instincts that could find my weak spots. And the others, the Southerners, didn't understand me, either. I didn't want to kill. Even though I struggled, I didn't want to drink human blood, not ever again.

"I'm afraid that you'll have to find someone else, Delilah," I replied cheerfully, carefully masking the struggle they'd incited within me. "And Sai, dearest?" I asked, mimicking Delilah. "You do know that once Delilah has me, she'll replace you, right? That's why she wants to find me, so she won't have to deal with you any more. She'll probably even have me kill you, like I'd executed every vampire in her army, over time."

Sai's eyes were narrowed, but not surprised. Maybe I had misjudged her. Maybe she wasn't as oblivious as I had been. She'd mentioned a male, Aaron, was that her mate? Had Delilah threatened him somehow to ensure Sai's obedience?

"Such a pity," Delilah purred, not bothering to refute my statement. "You know, I really did love you, Caitlin. Maybe not as much as I loved Matteo, but I cared about you. And don't you miss the life, in some way? How you could drink as much as you wanted, without anyone regulating? How sweet the human blood tasted?"

The fire in my throat flared up at her words, but Delilah wasn't as skillful of a manipulated as Sai. I didn't need to drink human blood to be happy. I had my family...

That was currently broken and in pieces, due to a certain brother. But it was better than the twisted relationships I'd had in the wars.

"Sorry, still no," I replied. "And don't try to fight. I'll fight back, and I'll win." Delilah didn't know about my current hatred of my power. Maybe I could bluff my way out of this.

"Then leave," Delilah growled, her pleasant mask finally coming off. "This is my territory, and I won't have other vampires coming into it."

I nodded. As long as Alice and Jasper were done, I was more than happy to go back to Ithaca, or wherever our next destination was. "Of course, Delilah," I said cheerily, just to annoy her. "Whatever you say."

"You may have found a new coven," Delilah called out as I turned to leave, "but you'll never be able to fit in. You and I, my dear Caitlin, we're the same, and the South doesn't forget it's vampires."

"Goodbye," I sang. "And by the way, it's Cate," I added, just before I moved out of hearing range. I wasn't Caitlin anymore. That part of my life was over.

But her words haunted me. What if she was right? What if it was my past in the wars that mattered, that had shaped me? I'd found a family, but if I had a mate, would I be willing to sacrifice everything for him (or her)? I was certain Delilah hadn't been like she was now as a human; was it her experience in the wars that shaped her, like it had shaped me?

And I was even more dangerous than Delilah. My gift made me so. I could do nearly anything with it; take away the will of others, force others to do things they didn't want to, make them kill themselves, even. Delilah wasn't a monster, even with all she'd done, but I very well could be.

I could never let myself become that. And there was one thing I knew that would transform me.

I barely paid attention to where I was going as I headed to Lundys Airport, on a taxi because it was less conspicuous than me running.

By the time I reached the airport, where Alice and Jasper were waiting, I'd made my decision: I couldn't ever find a mate. Not if it would make me willing to hurt everyone else.

Alice's expression, when I met them at the terminal, told me everything I needed to know. She had seen the confrontation, and they hadn't come.

"Explain," I said tersely. I'd come with them to Biloxi for Alice, and they hadn't even come with me as I faced my creator?

"I'm sorry, Cate," she said. "But I didn't see them coming until it was too late - probably part of Sai's gift - and I knew their reaction would be worse if we came."

It would? At first, I couldn't figure out how, until my gaze fell on Jasper. Of course. Delilah's vendatta was centered upon Jasper, the one who'd killed her mate. If he had come, then she would have fought, no matter what, and I would have had to kill her and Sai.

And I couldn't kill them. Delilah was me if I had let the wars harden me, if I hadn't escaped, and Sai was me if I'd had someone to protect, back then.

Just like I was them, only without a mate. And I would never get a mate.

"It's fine," I replied. "I guess I'm just upset about seeing her."

Alice nodded absentmindedly. It was then that I noticed how she was otherwise as still as a statue, practically radiating pain.

"What happened?" I asked cautiously. Alice closed her eyes delicately in response.

"Mary Alice Brandon definitely was her name, and we saw her gravestone, with the same date of death as her arrival at the asylum," Jasper replied, seeing his mate's unwillingness to explain.

"They sent me there, then told to everyone else that I was dead," Alice murmured, almost too quietly for me to hear.

Oh. I couldn't imagine anyone doing that to their child, not even my father, who had loved me in his own way.

"I'm sorry, Alice," I said. "And, what about the Brandon connection?"

Alice perked up at that. "It turns out that Mary Alice - I - had a cousin. Glen Brandon. He moved to Louisiana, and that's when we lost track of him. So that's where we're going next. Baton Rouge, Louisiana."

Baton Rouge, the place I'd grown up. Baton Rouge, the place I'd suffered in. Baton Rouge, the place where I'd been transformed into a vampire.

"You don't have to come," Alice quickly added, seeing my reaction. "It's fine if you want to go back to Ithaca."

But I shook my head. Finding out if I truly was related to Alice would be worth it. And maybe confronting my past to do this wouldn't be so painful after all.

"Just one thing," I said. "You're sure Delilah won't be there?" I couldn't face meeting my creator again.

"…so we just had to figure out if we were truly related," Alice concluded the story she told to the woman who now owned the house that I grew up in. Phil had sold the house after our father had died, apparently, and I couldn't blame him.

The woman, Bethany Ford, who'd told us to call her Beth, shook her head. "What an amazing story," she said. I was more amazed at the other fact: that Alice hadn't told a single lie, as she spoke about the two of us meeting at a high school, about people noticing strange similarities between our appearances, about realizing a shared last name in our histories: Brandon, about wondering if we could really be cousins. It was utterly realistic, but at the same time had a fairy-tale quality to it.

But there were some things about the story, like our ages and how we fit into the family tree and story, that had to be concealed. "So we did some research," I added, "and found that this was the house my mother had grown up in. In fact, it's the house my great-grandfather, who might have been her great-grandmother's cousin, bought, when he moved from Mississippi to Louisiana. And my uncle said that there might still be some old family records in the house." In fact, I was sure that my father hadn't touched the records Grandma Kathleen had kept in the attic, and that Phil still had no idea of the secret passageway to the attic. I'd only shared that secret with Fiona.

Beth frowned. "I'm not… I'm sorry, but I don't think there are any records that the old owners kept. At least, in the five years I've lived here, I haven't found anything."

"Just in case?" I asked, not wanting to seem too pushy, even though I knew for a fact that there were the records, in the attic.

She shrugged. "Sure."

I led the way as we entered the house, pretending to look around for a while before finding the entrance to the attic: a door at the back of a closet that faced a staircase. When the house had been built, the room probably hadn't supposed to be a closet, but it was a clever cover for the door - no one paid too much attention to what was behind the clothes. Except me, of course, when I'd hidden behind the rows of shirts and coats, and found that the wall I was leaning against could move.

Beth gasped as I revealed the stairs to the attic, her eyes going wide with surprise. I nodded like I was satisfied, then gestured to the stairway.

"I think this is it," I said.

As a child I'd never been interested in the boxes of old records that laid neatly in the corner. I had been more interested in the random supplies, which ranged from old-fashioned dresses to antique furniture to beautiful jewelry, that encompassed the left half of the room. I'd played hours of make-believe in the area, and when Fiona had come along, she had joined me. Now, though, our goal was the old photos and other documents on the right.

Beth stood at the top of the stairs, her expression still shocked, as Alice, Jasper, and I looked through the documents. I could tell that it was frustrating not to work at vampire speed, but even so it only took minutes before we found something.

It was a photograph, taken around the time Alice had been a human - the date on the back was July 19, 1910. It showed a group of children, their ages ranging from toddlers to teenagers, almost adults. On the right side were two boys who looked vaguely like my father, and a girl who I could have sworn was my grandmother Kathleen, had the dates matched up. And on the left, a little bit apart from the rest of the children, touching only her younger sister, was Alice. Mary Alice.

It seemed that we were related, after all.

Alice's face slowly melted into a grin, as she pounced to envelop me into a hug. She was whispering, too quietly for anyone to hear, but I could tell that she was overjoyed.

"Looks like there are people in your family who love you," I said quietly to her. A cough from behind us brought us back to the present. It was Beth. A small snarl erupted from Alice, as she turned, annoyed at being interrupted.

"So?" she asked, though it was obvious what we'd found.

"It looks like we're distant cousins," I replied, smiling.

"Oh! Congratulations!" she said, like it was something we should be proud of. But even her presence and interruptions weren't enough to keep Alice down for long.

"Thank you so much for letting us do this," Jasper thanked her, and Beth blushed. Immediately, I swallowed the venom that had swelled at the sight of her blood flowing. I hadn't hunted in too long. The reminder, though, was enough to darken my mood once more, as I remembered Delilah and all that had happened in Biloxi. I wasn't going to become her, though, I reminded myself. And I wasn't going to let anything take away Alice's joy at finally knowing about her past, as painful as some of it was.

The universe seemed to have decided that we'd suffered enough, too - when we returned to Ithaca, we found that Edward had left, a few hours after we'd boarded the plane to Mississippi. No one knew where he was headed, but, as Carlisle and Esme said, he seemed to have found another purpose in life.

Maybe there still was hope of us moving past this. Maybe the past would finally stay behind us.

Then I remembered my sister, who was hurting, back in Forks; Edward, who'd forced this upon us and was still suffering; our entire family, which was missing two important members.

We weren't fine, and I'd been stupid to think that we might recover with Bella a continent away, and Edward off to who-knows-where.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight saga and its universe. No profit is made here and no offense intended**

**Chapter 3: If It's My Fault**

"For the last time, Eleazar, _no_," I repeated, frustrated. We'd come to visit the Denalis a few weeks ago, over spring break, and ever since Eleazar, a gift-sensing vampire, had seen my gift, he had never stopped pushing me to practice using and further developing it.

"I don't understand, Cate," he replied. "Don't you want to understand it better, to strengthen it? You're lucky, your gift is so strong and so powerful. You could do so much with it!"

"And I don't want it!" I nearly shouted. "No one should have the kind of power it gives me. It's not natural! It's not right!"

"We are vampires, none if this is natural! And Alice can see into the future. Are you saying her gift is unnatural, too?"

I was shaking my head. "Hers is different. All she does is see. She doesn't take away people's wills. She can't force them to do things they don't want to."

"Who says she can't? Who says we all can't? Humans are drawn to our beauty. It's part of being a vampire!"

"But that's different! Humans are naturally attracted to beauty. What I do is not natural. It's like killing them, taking away their choices and their futures, only less permanent!"

"But don't you want to understand it better? To control it better?"

"I already can control it! And I don't need to understand it to know that using it is wrong!"

"Eleazar, Cate." Another voice entered the fray. It was Kate, my favorite of the Denali sisters. "Cate doesn't need to learn if she doesn't want to. It's her gift, after all." I nodded vigorously. "In fact," she continued, "I was about to go hunting, and Emmett was looking for someone to play chess with. I suggested you, Eleazar. And come with me Cate?"

We both nodded our agreement, and Eleazar turned to head back towards the house. He looked back, though, after a moment's thought. "I don't understand why you don't accept your gift. It's part of you. And there are plenty of vampires who'd kill for a gift like yours."

I glared at him, but didn't respond. I had killed, with my gift. Too many times.

Running with Kate was a glorious reprieve. Before Eleazar had started badgering me about training my gift, we'd been talking about drinking human blood, and the conversation had uncomfortably turned to Irina and Laurent, and the subject of mates.

That was, until Kate started talking.

"I don't want to push you," she said, and I knew the conversation would turn awkward again, "but if I were you, I'd want to learn more about my gift. To protect my family."

"Well I don't," I snapped, then felt sorry as Kate's expression became hurt. I sighed. "It's just, I have bad experiences with using my gift. I don't want to hurt anyone with it."

Kate shrugged. "Well, my gift also hurts people. That's the only thing it does. But I'd still use it to help my coven. Just... think about it. Eleazar just wants to help."

And I did think about it. But I couldn't. Kate's gift was different, because mine violated people in a way hers didn't. I took away choice, while she simply hurt for a bit.

And my compulsion was indefinitely worse than hers.

When we returned, Eleazar and Jasper were play fighting. Something about Alice and cheating and chess. Everyone was watching them fight, which was why I was the first one to notice when Alice froze.

Her eyes were distant, and I knew the look well. She was looking into the future. And her expression told me that what she was seeing wasn't good.

"No..." Alice whispered. "No!"

My mind whirled as I tried to figure out what had happened. Edward or Bella, it had to be one of them. But what had they done?

Jasper was at his mate's side in an instant, cradling her. "Tell us," he said with a practiced air.

There was a long paused, then Alice's eyes focused again. They were wild, though, wild and grieving and unbelieving. Suddenly, she was a blur of movement, running towards the stairs where our rooms were. Only, Jasper was there, holding her.

"Alice, tell us," he begged. "What did you see?"

"I have to go back!" she nearly shouted. "Back, before... before... Let me go, Jazz! Let me go!" She was twisting, struggling to get out of her mate's grasp, but he held her firm.

"Alice!" He had somehow let go, and she was running up the stairs, now. Jasper followed her, and I was right behind him.

"Please, Alice, tell us!" I said. "What happened?"

"I can't talk, we have to hurry!" she replied, still moving at vampire speed, as she threw some belongings and passports into a bag. "Hurry, hurry!"

Suddenly, she was in Jasper's arms again, and even I, standing a few feet away, could feel the effects of his gift, enveloping the room with calm.

"Jasper, stop that!" Alice shrieked, or tried to - what Jasper had done had too large of an impact on her for her to be as panicked as she had been earlier. "We can't afford to waste time, we have to go now!"

"Not until you tell us what happened! Please, Alice. We need to know!"

Her eyes closed for a moment, then she whispered a name. "Bella."

"What about her? I asked. I realized that my voice was shaking. "What did she do?"

"She... jumped."

At first, I couldn't process the words. Bella had... jumped? On the ground? And then I realized. It was off of something. "Off of...?"

"Off a cliff," Alice confirmed. "I saw her. She was smiling, then she jumped. And now I can't see her... her future's all blank."

Slowly, the pieces began to fit together. Bella had committed suicide. She and Edward couldn't live without each other; it was just like I'd said! And now she was gone... if Alice's visions were blank then it meant Bella was gone... that we had no chance of saving her, that we wouldn't be fast enough.

"No," I whispered faintly. "Not Bella." Not my sister, the one who'd given me a purpose in life, the first one I'd trusted with my secret, the one who'd convinced me to stay in Forks and to give the Cullen's another chance.

And this was all my fault...

Faintly, I realized that Jasper and Alice were arguing. Jasper couldn't go back. Not when it was his and my fault that we'd left in the first place, not when he'd promised Edward that we will wouldn't go back.

But Bella was my sister, more than Edward was my brother. And if there was even the slightest chance... or if I could at least be there for Charlie... I had to go back.

"I'm coming," I said, interrupting Alice and Jasper.

"Cate..." Jasper said, his expression torn.

I shook my head. "I have to be there. Alice. How are we getting there? Plane?"

A nod. "We can get on the plane leaving in two and a half hours, if we hurry," she explained.

"And then?"

"We can run to Forks, but we'll need a car for cover once we near the house. Carlisle's car. It's still in the garage."

Quickly, I moved to my room, and threw some random clothes in a small backpack, making sure my passport and a small wallet full of cash were in the front pouch. Within seconds, I was back at the stairs, where Alice waited.

The others watched from around the room as we went down the stairs in a somber procession. There were murmurs, apologies, condolences, but none of them tried to stop us. They knew what had happened, and what was at stake. They knew Alice's gift, too, and, though no one said it, no one expected for us to find Bella alive.

Not with her blank future.

In the back of my mind, I realized that Carlisle, Esme, and Edward himself weren't there. They would have to be told. Who would tell them? Jasper?

He shouldn't have to. _It was all my fault_.

We ran to the closest airport, then boarded the plane with the tickets Jasper had purchased online while we were on our way. We didn't speak, but I could tell from Alice's blank gaze that she was still searching, still hoping that we'd find Bella alive. All throughout the flight, I watched her. She found nothing.

We landed at SeaTac airport, then boarded a connection to the airport in Port Angeles. Once we'd landed, we ran back to Forks, taking care to ensure that we wouldn't be seen. All throughout the journey, I remembered Bella. The day we met. The way I'd hated her, at first, though our competitions seemed so petty now. The way we'd planned Phil and Renee's wedding together. The way she'd confronted me, after the wedding, and demanded to know the truth, because for some reason, my gift hadn't worked on her...

My gift didn't work on her. Edward's gift didn't work on her. Was it possible that, somehow, Alice's gift, too, didn't work on Bella? Could that be why... could Bella still be alive?

I dismissed my thoughts. The idea was ridiculous. Alice had seen Bella before. There was a reason why we thought Bella to be dead - Alice had seen her jump off a cliff! That Bella's future had disappeared only supported the idea that she was ... gone.

But still, a small part of me hoped. Hoped that we'd go to Charlie's house and find her there, alive, happy, even.

My sister, my brilliant, selfless, beautiful sister, _could not be gone!_

But deep down, I knew she was. And nothing I said or thought could change that. She was gone, because I hadn't had enough control when she'd gotten a papercut, because I hadn't fought back enough when Edward had decided we needed to leave, because I had been too selfish to keep fighting, because I hadn't been there while she'd struggled.

The house was empty as we approached it, the door unlocked. I didn't even have to use my key as we slipped inside. The house itself felt lonely, as though only one person lived in it. Bella's room - my old room - looked almost abandoned. The person who lived in here... it felt like she'd died a long time ago.

Edward hadn't cared enough to do anything, the first few months, and here was proof that Bella had reacted the same. Why couldn't that stupid, selfless vampire have seen? Neither could survive without the other. _When he is alive, all that matters is him. When he is dead, the only thing keeping you alive is revenge. _What if you thought he'd left you because he didn't love you anymore? What if you left because you knew you'd end up killing her? I was looking at the result of that. And now it was too late...

A strange sound interrupted my thoughts. Alice was clutching, murmuring softly, so softly I couldn't hear what she said. And then there was a car in the driveway, and the sounds of heartbeats - _two heartbeats?_ \- and a low voice I didn't recognize talking about _Bells?_ and two scents, one that smelled horrible and of wet dogs, while the other was... was _Bella._

But how?

"_Vampire,_" said the low voice, and I started. Who was he? How did he know? There was a low growl. Whatever he was, I knew that he wasn't human.

"How do you know?" Was that... could it be... _Bella?_

"Because I can smell it! Dammit!" Smell it... no human could smell us from here, not even with the scent trails we'd left behind. What had Bella gotten herself into? "Phase or get her out of here?" It was murmured, so low I half thought I'd misheard. Phase into what? "Right. Get you out." No! Not when we were so close! But moving towards them would only cause him, whatever he was, to run away faster. I didn't move, not an inch.

"Stop! Stop!" Bella's voice. With a thrill, I realized the car had stopped moving away from us. Had she recognized...?

"What?" It was nearly a growl. _Please, keep yourself safe, Bella._

"It's not Victoria." Victoria, as in James's mate, as in Laurent's covenmate? Why was Bella talking about her? "Stop, stop! I want to go back!"

"What?" This time, there was more confusion than anger in the word.

"It's Carlisle's car! It's the Cullens. I know it!" Why, oh why did she sound so _happy_ about it, when we'd left her, not even saying goodbye?

"Hey, calm down, Jake," Bella commanded. What was this 'Jake', that being angry would be a bad thing? And what was that horrid smell? "It's okay. No danger, see? Relax." No, there was certainly danger. Whatever Jake was, he was right about one thing: that vampires were dangerous. The only question was, were we less dangerous than he?

"Yeah, calm." At least he was agreeing with her. I let out a sigh of relief.

Alice was moving toward the stairs, now, towards the front door. I followed her...

"I really hope you don't die." It was the low voice, the source of the wet-dog smell. Who was he?

...and it opened, and there she was.

_Bella. _Alive. Whole. There.

The light flickered on, and then she saw us.

"Cate! Alice!" My sister hurled herself at us, nearly falling as she hugged us.

"_Bella?_" Alice asked. I knew she was wondering how it was possible, but I didn't care. My sister was alive. It wasn't my fault. Our happily ever after could still happen.

Her scent was delicious, as always, but I'd hunted only a few hours ago, and I fared better than Alice, whose eyes were a deep, thirsty black. A first, a little voice said in the back of my mind.

"I'm ... sorry!" she apologized. "I'm just ... so happy ... to see you!"

"Bella," I finally managed to get out. "I'm so sorry. I should have stayed. I should have fought him more. I should have..." She was shaking her head.

"It's not your fault. And everything, everything's okay now!" Her cheeks were flushed, her scent overpowering, and it was starting to be too much, even though my eyes were still gold. Finally, Bella seemed to realize the problem.

"_Oh. _Sorry."

Alice shook her head. "It's my fault. It's been too long since I hunted. I shouldn't let myself get so thirsty, but I was in a hurry today." And it was my fault, I continued in my head, that my control was so bad. Not that either of them would agree.

"_Speaking of which_, would you like to explain to me how you're alive?" _Yes_, I agreed. It might have been holes in Alice's visions that had kept her from seeing Bella's future, but she'd still _jumped._

Bella's mouth dropped open. "You saw me fall."

"You _jumped,_ Bella," I responded, then sighed. Hadn't I guessed that this would happen, though? "I... don't blame you, though. After what we did to you..."

"I _told_ him this would happen," Alice quietly agreed, "but he didn't believe me. He didn't believe us. 'Bella promised.'" But I knew exactly how easily such a promise could be broken.

Alice blathered on, talking about promises and looking into futures and just seeing. I thought back on the past few months, how we'd all suffered, Bella and Edward most of all. Now that we had come back, what would we do next? I desperately hoped Edward wouldn't make us leave again. Not that I'd let him.

"_Alice_," Bella interrupted, finally understanding what we both had thought. "I wasn't committing suicide." She wasn't?

"Are you saying you _didn't_ jump off a cliff?" Alice asked, echoing my thoughts.

"No," Bella said, grimacing. "But it was for ... recreational purposes only."

"Recreational? Jumping off a cliff? Are you insane, Bella?" I asked. I could see vampires, maybe, doing it for fun, but delicate, clumsy, easily bruised Bella?

"I'd seen some of Jacob's friends cliff diving," Bella tried to explain. "It looked like fun, and I was bored..."

"Bella, your idea of fun is reading _Wuthering Heights_ or _Romeo and Juliet_ for the fiftieth time. Why would you think jumping off a cliff would be fun... oh." Bella had flinched at the mention of the two books, and I realized why. They were love stories. They'd remind her too much of Edward.

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

She shook her head once more. "Not your fault," she mumbled, then continued explaining. "I didn't think about how the storm would affect the currents. Actually, I didn't think about the water much at all..." And she claimed she hadn't been trying to die.

Seeing each of our faces, she tried changing the topic. "Okay, so ... if you saw me go in, why didn't you see Jacob, Alice?"

"Jacob?" I asked. "Was he the one who just left?" Had I been wrong? Had Bella found someone else, someone to replace Edward?

Bella nodded. "It's true I probably would have drowned if Jacob hadn't jumped in after me. Well, okay, there's no probably about it. But he did, and he pulled me out, and I guess he towed me back to shore, though I was kind of out for that part. It couldn't have been more than a minute that I was under before he grabbed me. How come you didn't see that?"

Alice had only seen Bella jump, or only mentioned seeing her jump, and we'd all assumed the worst, especially given the blank future. But why hadn't she seen this Jacob rescuing her?

"Someone... pulled you out?" Alice asked, confirming.

"Yes," Bella replied, her cheeks flushing once more. Did Jacob mean more to her than just a friend? "Jacob saved me."

Something clicked in Alice's mind, though I didn't recognize the name, not the horrid stench. Slowly, Alice leaned forward, taking a sniff at Bella's shoulder. Both of us froze, and I prepared myself if Alice lost control, but she only told us not to be ridiculous. And it was true - Alice had much better self-control than I did.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked.

Alice didn't respond to her question. "This Jacob, what's his last name?"

"Black," she replied naturally. Black... as in Ephraim Black, the Quileute chief? As in Billy Black, the one who'd asked my part in the treaty?

I remembered Jacob, now. He was Bella's friend, the one who'd come with his father as we talked about the treaty, the one who'd danced with Bella at prom. I was certain, though, that he'd smelled normal back then. Unless he'd _changed?_

Was this horrid stench... could it possibly be...?

"Jacob is ... strong," Bella was saying. We waited for her to continue, and finally, she did. "See he's... sort of a werewolf."

Of course he was.

Bella continued, talking about the Quileutes and meeting them a long time ago, but I barely paid attention. A werewolf. I'd never heard about them, before I'd met the Cullens, though they'd explained the basics - that there was a treaty line from the last time they'd been in the area, and that no Cullens were allowed to bite humans, for as long as the treaty existed.

Alice was shrieking about Jacob being a _young_ werewolf, now. I didn't know much about werewolves, but if they were anything like vampires, I knew it couldn't be a good thing. Uncontrollable instincts, extreme emotions, powerful abilities. No human could be safe around that.

But then Bella was speaking two other names, and I realized just how much we'd missed.

Victoria and Laurent? Irina's Laurent?

Bella told her story, proving just how wrong Edward has been, when he'd decided to leave her. Bella's vague explanations of 'not being herself' - she'd obviously reacted the way Edward had, curling up in a ball, wanting to die. But then Jacob had come, and started to heal the wound Edward had left. My instincts had been right. They were certainly more than friends. Bella had moved on.

Was there still a place for me, a place for all of us, in Bella's new life?

Alice must have been thinking the same thing as I had. She spoke again. "Well... I... I guess I acted impulsively today. I probably shouldn't have intruded." I closed my eyes. I couldn't, wouldn't, leave Bella again, but maybe... maybe it was better off this way.

Bella's reaction, though, proved otherwise. The blood drained from her face, and she was nearly hysterical again. "_Don't_ go, Alice, Cate! _Please_, don't leave me!"

I comforted her quickly. "We won't, Bella. Promise." Not that my promises had done her much good. Still, she calmed down.

Alice finally seemed to notice the way Bella looked; her bloodshot eyes, her sunken cheeks, the matted hair. "You look like hell, Bella."

"I'm sorry," I apologized again. "I-we should have been there."

She shrugged. "It hasn't been easy, but it's been getting better." I filled in the gaps. Jacob had been making it better.

"I told him..."

Just then, the phone rang. We all jumped, even Alice. Was this another decision, another future, she hadn't seen? What was happening to her visions?

"That has to be Charlie," Bella said, after a moment. She moved to the kitchen, dragging both of us with her, unwilling to let us out of her sight, though it wasn't as though we were going to leave ... again.

"Charlie?" Bella asked, picking up the phone.

"No, it's me." It was the same low voice, Jacob Black, the werewolf. Bella's next words confirmed it.

"Jake!"

"Just making sure you were still alive," he said. He was angry.

"I'm fine. I told you that it wasn't-"

"Yeah. I got it. 'Bye." He hung up on her. What kind of friend, _boyfriend?_ did that? But then again, what kind of mate left you behind, to suffer? Maybe this Jacob was better for Bella than Edward was. Even though he was a werewolf. A werewolf who hated vampires. Would I, could I bear, losing her again?

"That's going to be a problem," Bella was saying. No kidding. Did she hope to keep us both in her lives, even though werewolves and vampires were mortal enemies? Would it even be possible for us to get along?

Or would Edward force us out of her life, again, before that could be a problem?

"They aren't excited that we're here," Alice stated. She hadn't been excited, either, when she'd found out the werewolves were still here, though.

"Not especially. But it's none of their business anyway."

"Well, according to the treaty…" I stopped when Bella glared at me.

"None of their business," she replied. "Don't even think of disappearing again."

"I promise," I repeated. "I'm not leaving you again. Not even…"

This time, Alice was the one contradicting me. "I don't know about that, for sure. We need to see Carlisle."

"Alice. It's _Bella_."

"We promised him." Right. Because, obviously, Edward's wishes took precedence over ours.

"He didn't know, he _doesn't_ know, what he was talking about." But if Bella wanted us, me, to leave, then…

"Could you stay? Please? Just for a little while. I've missed you so much," Bella begged, her voice breaking. She didn't comment about him. Did she no longer love him? Had Jacob replaced the vampire who had been her first love?

"Alice."

"If you think it's a good idea," she finally relented. Her eyes were unhappy. Stupid Edward.

"I do," Bella insisted. "You can stay here, both of you. Charlie would love that."

"I have a house, Bella." I glared at the other vampire. Was she really suggesting…?

My sister nodded, her expression resigned. "We're not leaving, Bella," I told her, daring Alice to disagree.

"Well, we'll need to go get a suitcase of clothes, at the very least," she amended. Of course. Alice was always thinking about clothes.

"Alice, Cate, you're the best!" Bella exclaimed, embracing the both of us, inadvertently flooding us with her scent. I pushed down the venom that suddenly swelled in my mouth, frowning. In our absence, it seemed, Bella had forgotten the basic self-preservation I'd taught her. Not that she'd had much, before, anyway, falling in love with vampires, being friends with werewolves.

Alice, though, stiffened in Bella's arms, days without hunting taking its toll on her control. "And I think I'll need to hunt. Immediately."

"Oh. Sorry," Bella apologized. She looked to me.

"It's only been a few hours. I'll be fine," I told her, then turned to Alice. "I'll stay. I can keep her out of trouble." I could feel Bella glaring at me, but I didn't look at her. She was just a magnet for danger.

Alice's eyes unfocused for a few moments, before she came back to the present. "You should be fine. I don't see anything problematic." But then again, she'd missed many events in the past few days, too, hadn't she? It didn't matter. I would protect her.

"One hour," Alice continued, promising. I nodded. She smiled at Bella, kissing her on the cheek, before leaving through the front door. Bella blinked - Alice had moved too fast for her to see.

"I missed you, Cate," Bella said. I nodded again.

"How about you get cleaned up?" I suggested, gesturing at her generally disheveled appearance. Her cheeks flushed. "I'll make dinner. Not that it'll taste good." My cooking skills were about the same as Charlie's.

"Sure. And I'm sure it'll taste great," she replied, beginning to move again, headed upstairs. I watched, motionless, as she headed for the shower. She definitely needed it.

I took some random ingredients to make macaroni and cheese; it seemed easy enough. By the time Bella had come downstairs, though, the pasta was stuck to the bottom of the pot, and there was no cheese sauce left.

My sister shot an amused glance at me, and I sighed. "Fine. I can't cook. Happy?"

Shaking her head, Bella took the spoon from me, and went to work fixing the mess I'd made. "Only you, Cate."

"Not my fault that I don't eat!" I protested.

"Well, Esme and Carlisle can cook." I playfully glared at her, then realized what she'd said.

"Esme and Carlisle can cook?! How is that fair?"

Bella laughed at me. "Only you, Cate," she repeated. "And you can hardly protest." She turned her attention back to the macaroni and cheese.

What had she meant, that I could hardly protest? After all this time did Bella _still _want to become a vampire? After what we'd done to her?

A small part of me commented, that her only other option was becoming a werewolf, and which would I prefer more? But no. It was _her _choice. It would be her choice, from now on.

"So, how've you been, these past f-few months?" I ignored the stutter in her words. I could imagine how it had been for _her_.

"Well, I finally went to college, but it wasn't the same without you. For any of us. You're part of our family, everything just felt … wrong, without you." I winced. "I - we - had to leave, after the first few weeks. It … wasn't pretty."

"I can imagine," my sister murmured. "Where … where did you go?"

"To, look into Alice's past. Based on what James had said-" I cut off, seeing her expression. Right. Bad vampire memories.

And then … _her_. I fought back the memories, the feelings she'd stirred that I hadn't felt for a long time.

"And?" Bella was perceptive, she'd caught the mass of emotions.

"And?" I repeated, unwilling to talk about it.

"Cate." I looked into her large brown eyes - a mistake. "Tell me." I couldn't resist, either, after all we, I, had done to her.

"I saw Delilah again," I exhaled, barely more than a whisper.

Bella froze, her face a picture of sympathy. "Cate … I'm sorry."

I turned away. "It's fine." A small scoff came in response; my sister didn't believe me. _I _didn't really believe me, either.

"What did she … if there's anything you'd like to talk about, Cate, you can say it. To me."

I closed my eyes softly. Bella was my sister, but I _didn't_ want to talk about it. Partly _because_ she was my sister. I didn't … what would she think of me? If I told her, about the kind of person I was, about how similar I was to Delilah?

_No._

"It's fine," I repeated. "Nothing I couldn't handle. Just … Delilah was playing with words again." Playing with my mind, her and Sai.

Bella nodded, understanding as always, and we lapsed back into silence. It was comfortable silence, though, and before long, Alice was back, her eyes a pleasant golden.

After a while, Charlie returned, from some funeral. It was easy enough to convince him - _without _using my compulsion - about why Alice and I had left, and then returned. It was mostly Edward, now, that Charlie hated, and that was for what he'd done to Bella. I couldn't imagine … what must it have been like, for Charlie, those first few months after we'd left? Before she'd found Jacob, before she'd started smiling … if Bella looked bad, now, what must she have been like in October? In November?

The three of us all headed to Bella's room to 'sleep,' with Bella and I on the two beds and Alice on a sleeping bag on the floor. Apparently, Charlie checked on her throughout the night, so Alice and I would have to stay. I tried not to think of _why_ he would check on her.

Before long, Bella was asleep, her expression more peaceful than it had been all day. I winced at the thought.

_It wasn't my fault._ It wasn't my fault? Was it my fault, for what she'd been through?

"What are we going to do, Alice?" I asked, my voice pitched too low for humans to hear, just in case Bella was still awake. The others, in Denali … they still didn't know. And what would Edward say, if he heard about this? But we weren't going to leave again. I wouldn't let us.

"I … don't know," my newer sister admitted. "With the others … Edward … we'll have to talk to Carlisle, that's for sure. And then, with the _werewolves_ …"

"He makes her happy," I reminded her. We both knew who I was talking about.

"He's a werewolf," Alice countered, but I could tell by her tone that her heart wasn't into it. It wasn't that Jacob was a werewolf that bothered her, it was that Bella loved someone other than Edward. And Alice had been Edward's sister, before she'd become ours.

"It's Bella's choice. For who she chooses … and for whether she wants us to stay. Not Edward's." Almost as if she'd heard his name mentioned, Bella shifted uncomfortably in her sleep. After a moment, though, she relaxed again.

Alice spoke. "It put her in danger …"

"She's always in danger. And with Victoria, and Laurent, _and_ the werewolves, well, we need to stay. And she won't want us to go." We both knew it. Despite the danger, despite the fact that we'd left, Bella loved us.

"We'll have to talk to Carlisle, and the others," Alice repeated. I nodded, understanding. The conversation was over.

_Was it my fault?_


End file.
